This blog is about Narcissism and its effect upon human relationships. In particular, it has to do with relationships between females. If you are a victim of a Narcissist (VoNPD), or wondering if you are, I invite you to browse through the many posts here. Some are original by me, others are reposted with my comments. Credit is always given to the original author, with links to their work.
Like most people, I’ve had many Narcissists in my social, romantic and work arenas. I am a mature woman who has, all of her life, been severely affected by the behavior of Narcissists. It began in my childhood around age 8 or 9 with my mother, continued with my “best friend” in high school, and later with a woman I met in my mid-20’s with whom I became extremely co-dependent. All three females were extremely narcissistic.
Still later, my first and only husband (now ex) had a severely detrimental effect upon my circumstances and well-being. Even later, my brother exhibited many cruel and narcissistic behaviors (he was the Golden Child in the Narcissistic Triangulation with my mother and me).
THE BLOG’S NAME
“Joyful Alive Woman” came to me intuitively when I was choosing a name for my blog, . Joyful and Alive is what I am working back toward. I was born Joyful and Alive, and in spite of my many challenges, have been Joyful and Alive for much of my life. For many years, however, I was anything but Joyful and Alive. I was bitter, angry and unproductive. Blocked, frustrated and unfulfilled, and not fully understanding why.
At age 30 I married a man who turned out to be moody, negative, obsessive, abusive and destructive. Later, my mother once again became a problem to me as we re-established contact. I also re-established contact with a female friend who turned out to be very difficult, causing stress I couldn’t perceive or accept until I finally went searching for answers about her strangely abusive behavior.
One thing we must remember is that abusers always feel justified and usually defiant about how they’re treating you. It’s part of the Narcissistic construct.
THE BEGINNING OF MY HEALING JOURNEY
In April 2009, I met a woman online who pointed me toward the study of Narcissism and NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) in mothers. I’m an educated, well-read person who has been quite studious, spiritual and prayerful for much of my life, but I just wasn’t aware of the classic NPD dynamic, especially not in my own relationships. I only knew that some of those relationships were extremely difficult and never improved.
After some initial self-berating, I conceded to myself that when it comes to healing “we aren’t ready until we’re ready.”
The light at the end of the tunnel had become visible about 6 months before, in October 2008, as I began diligently searching for answers about what was wrong with my life and how to improve it.
Narcissism has always existed, and society’s trend has unfortunately greatly escalated the numbers of people who have this terrible personality disorder. Therefore, the numbers of people who must deal with it in families and in society has also increased exponentially.
We must be very careful not to diagnose people without the proper education, training and credentials. Therefore, when you read that I am referring to someone as a Narcissist in my posts, please remember that it is my opinion based upon years of mistreatment, and searching for answers as to why this treatment was taking place.
Sometimes I will write that someone is a Narcissist. That doesn’t mean they have full-blown NPD. It means that they have many narcissistic traits – entrenched traits that are extremely difficult if not impossible to deal with. I have come to term this as HNP – a Highly Narcissistic Person.
Unfortunately, most Narcissistic behavior has elements of Malignancy, or Sadism. Most of the Narcissists in my life have been Malignant and Sadistic, to varying degrees. This was done not through physical abuse. It was perpetrated mostly via verbal abuse. Twisted games. It wreaked major havoc in my life. I desperately needed to disengage. I needed to go “No Contact,” and begin healing. It wasn’t easy to recognize that and actually do it. And of course, the process of healing is ongoing even after disengaging from the abuser.
The banner of my blog symbolizes peace, vibrancy, flow and growth which is what we are all striving for, especially those of us working our way out of relationships where Narcissism has ruled, forcing us to live far below our potential. It also symbolizes the eternal nature of the Divine, the infinite, the Force – what I (and you!) perceive as God.
Please note that I have turned off comments. I do allow trackbacks and pingbacks. At some point in the future I may allow comments and email. For now, I have found there are too many sociopaths and cyberpaths on the internet. I don’t want my healing blog unnecessarily cluttered with, or compromised by, toxic droppings.
You probably wouldn’t be reading this blog if you hadn’t already identified this issue in your own life and gone searching for information and help, or been personally invited by me.
I prefer that those who read my posts internalize this information. I believe it is better to reflect upon the thoughts and feelings that come up rather than immediately externalize them by commenting. This is very personal stuff, both to me and to you.
Journaling is a good process with which to begin or deepen your journey, organizing your thoughts and getting deeply in touch with the feelings that come up.
One last thing: We may not be able to fully heal, but we can learn to live with the memory of things that have happened to us. We can learn to be happier and more productive. I know, because I’ve done it. It wasn’t easy, and the process is ongoing. I do fall down occasionally, and healing take determination and diligence, but I’m a living testament to healing from abuse.
Cheers to you, and thoughtful reading! :D
Joyful Alive Woman