As I write this, I am yet again facing persecution from a couple of close family members. It feels so wrong, it hurts, it’s shocking, it’s inappropriate, it’s unacceptable. How can people be so cruel to someone who’s never done anything to them? What is this madness? Where is the relief? I know that I have not done anything wrong. I know that I made a mistake by not going No Contact many years ago. That decision cost me a happy life.
I came across these comments on a blog I used to follow (no recent posts there):
“I know how you feel- trusting myself is now my main goal. I have excellent instincts, but because of my NPD family I always second guess myself. Which is crazy because as the scapegoat I always had to do everything by myself with no support. But also as the scapegoat, everything was always my fault.”
“I was a normal kid too! I just didn’t know it at the time. It’s our NPD families that are abnormal. I agree with Roxy, trust your instincts, they are probably right on. Like Roxy, I second guess myself constantly, only to find out I was right all along on many things. But, because the family dynamic was ‘all my fault’ it’s hard to have faith in my own perception.”
“I understand about not trusting instincts, too. Perhaps on some level, we were made to deny our own reality in favor of the N’s version of the world for our own survival. Or maybe it was to tamp down the anxiety of secretly knowing that we could not trust those who were supposed to care for us…I dunno. All I know is it comes as a shock each and every time it turns out my instincts were right. It goes against my role in the family – I was never supposed to be right about anything.”
“As the daughter of a mother who exhibited symptoms of both NPD & BPD, I’ve been subject to lying accusation campaigns against me. This is an awful thing to go through. Someone you loved has turned on you. People who know the truth don’t speak up and/or deny the truth. You are told that the person who did this to you ‘loves’ you.”