Maligning the Bloggers?

Over the years, I’ve seen various posts on different sites that criticize some more well-known bloggers about narcissistic abuse and survival. Eight to nine years ago, when I first began studying this issue, I came across some great sites that helped me a lot. One of them is gone and has been for years (“cosmicwalk” which was based in South Africa). Another was DONM (Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers) and yet another was CZBZ’s site. And I now see that more recently it’s Anna Valerious (another good site)

(Note: I never purchased anything from DONM’s website, nor did I pay to be in the forum, which has apparently been re-opened. I rarely visit there anymore. I’m just mentioning it as a site that helped me 8 years ago, and I advise people to use criticial thinking and avoid paying for stuff. I also advise against getting involved with the forum. If you have a genuine need for feedback, you’re not likely to get much – that was my experience back then.)

I myself have not been attacked. Some of my posts have comments enabled; most don’t. That is because I’d rather the reader take in what they’ve read and work with it. Sometimes there is a trigger and a knee-attack can be misplaced anger which only adds to the already existing problem the attacker is dealing with.

On the other hand, when bloggers do allow comments I’ve seen some incredibly good posts and comments, i.e. at places like Lucky Otter‘s site. Such razor-sharp honesty, even in the face of possible criticism or disgust, is truly admirable. And the comments there are quite insightful and articulate.

Later (a few years ago) I started seeing negative things posted about the creators/ admins of these sites (not Lucky Otter, but the others mentioned). I began wondering what was true. (The advent of the fake news era? Not out of the realm of possibility.) At first I was taken aback, then I left the issue alone due to just needing to live life and not think about it so much. I was simply on to other things at the time.

The bottom line is, these women have created spaces which really help people. Are they perfect? No. Should they be? No. That is impossible. For people to get all heated up about supposed or real slights and go off about it, trying to damage the public reputation of these women, is just not cool. It’s a sign that many of these complainers/accusers have unresolved issues. They need to stay at the drawing board and figure out their own stuff. Or, stay engaged but refrain from lashing out while sorting themselves out.

I dont know what is true in those situations and perceptions (where posters have become disenchanted for whatever reason), because I wasn’t involved. I tried then and occasionally try now to read as much as I can, read between the lines to discern as much truth as possible. The fact is, we really can’t know. We can only manage our own consciousness.

And I think we need to acknowledge that those bloggers/admins who were and probably still are being criticized have done a great service to the cause of helping others navigate this crazy thing called life.