Dreaming About Your Abuser

During the past couple of months I have dreamed extremely positive things about my ex-husband, one of the main abusers in my life. Indeed, these dreams have been happening for several years and likely more than a decade. During the dream, wonderful things happen and there is often a feeling of wanting to be together again. The dreams always abruptly end, without a real resolution.

These dreams started many years ago (we’ve been separated for 29 years and divorced for almost 19. (Yeah, I know, but there were reasons for the long separation — not least an attempt to keep the abuse abated.)

It makes me wonder what types of dreams the ex has about me. During our marriage, he had constant violent nightmares to the point where I was concerned about his mental health. It doesn’t help when you watch horror movies and violent action films while drinking alcohol – in his case, straight Scotch or Scotch rocks.

I doubt he dreams nice things about me. But in case he does, I do wonder what he thinks about it. He’s never apologized for his attitude and behavior and likely never will.

As for the reasons for my dreams: I’ve decided that it’s God, or my helping angels, or both who are causing these dreams. It’s about healing the wounds, and forgiveness. I doubt I will ever forgive, though. And I certainly won’t forget.

I don’t believe in forgiving those who are not repentant, and that is Biblically supported. (Luke 17:3 Accountability in Controlling and Abusive Birth Families/  In this essay, Rev. Rene Pittelli writes:

“The Lord does NOT forgive those who choose to continue sinning against him, and he does not expect us to forgive those who continue sinning against us (Luke 17:3). In fact, he tells us to have nothing further to do with them (Titus 3:10-11, Matthew 18: 15-17, 2 Timothy 3: 2-5).  It is absurd to think that God requires more of us than he himself is willing to do.”

It doesn’t mean I don’t pray for the willingness to forgive. I think that’s an important part of our healing.