The Purpose of this Blog

My purpose here is to help myself, and in that process help others (YOU!)  🙂 I got the idea to start this blog by reading many stories of other people’s experiences with the Narcissist(s) in their lives, mainly their own mothers. I had been in therapy, and participated in some support groups.

I’m here to share with you my journey of healing from destructive Narcissistic relationships. Just like many other bloggers recovering from N entanglements, I want to help other women (and men) with this process. I hate to think of so many women (and men) suffering needlessly for lack of exposure to things that could help them.

I realized that it was time to write my story as one part of my healing process. I want to share it with you in the hope that you too can successfully wind out of relationship dysfunction, and something called FLEAS — circumstances and behaviors that are directly caused by entanglement in a Narcissist’s web.

I’m a mature woman in her 60’s, with two wonderful grown children (and their significant others). I’ve long been interested in human relationships, and humanity’s relationship to the Divine. Personal growth, good communication, working toward fulfilling human relationships and expressing spirituality have always been keen interests of mine. It’s not always easy to experience or express these things in everyday life. I find it infinitely more difficult in the 21st Century than 30 years ago, or even 20 years ago. All the more reason why I should start writing about it.

My father was a psychiatric social worker and my mother a school clerk. When I was growing up, even though my father had a Master’s Degree in Social Work and had worked as a marriage and family therapist for his entire adult life, the mental health field had really only just moved out of the Freudian era into Jungian, Gestalt and other forms of therapy.

The psychology/counseling field at that time wasn’t focused on personality disorders – especially not Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), commonly known as Narcissism. We didn’t talk about it, and we certainly didn’t know how to handle it. As my father has said to me, “we only had the DSM-II at that time!”

Presently there are vast resources at our fingertips. How I fervently wish that those resources had been available to me and my contemporaries while we were teenagers and young adults. It would have saved (or at least mitigated) decades of dysfunction, angst and grief for so many of us.

Therefore, welcome and fruitful reading. Please feel free to email me at joyful alive woman at gmail or leave a comment.  🙂

One thought on “The Purpose of this Blog

  1. I am so grateful to have found your blog!
    My story is a little different. I want to share it because it may be that there are others who could relate to this, since it is not a parent or a spouse who is the NPD. It is my brother.
    I, too, am older: a happy grandmother in a happy family. It is worth noting that EVERYONE has issues, and we have ours, but so far, so good. We are moving along through life with estimable success. Praise God!
    Perhaps most pertinent in my voyage of discovery was to look back and see how past generations contributed to problems today, all unknowing, all loving, and with the best of intentions. In my immediate family the NPD came into full flower, I believe, through Trauma Bonding. It was the deaths of my two older brothers in separate accidents that forged the dysfunctional relationships as my younger brother and I moved into specific roles for our parents. This is what allowed us all to survive as well as we did, so I certainly have no resentment toward anyone. We did what humans do: survive as best we could.
    When I was five my first brother died and mother told me that we must protect “Danny” because he was “sensitive.” After my second brother died, when I was in high school, my dad told me to never cross Danny because he (Danny) would make me pay. I never would have questioned the family responses to our NPD Danny. It never occurred to me that there was anything inherently wrong with him or with us. Besides, the Jekyl and Hyde nature of the NPD tends to make loved ones believe that he’s not really so bad. Right?
    Years passed. There are many stories to tell that would confirm the NPD, especially as it got more extreme. However, let me bring you to present day.
    I am currently involved with lawyers as we try to sort out my parents’ considerable estate after my mother’s death at age 100+. Danny has been in charge since my father’s passing (nearly 20 years) and living on the most impressive property (for almost 30 years).Never, in all that time, has he shared with me any salient details of his dealings. He periodically offered me what anyone would call nonsense in the form of his own unique accounting. While I and my family have moved around the country, pursuing success in my husband’s career, Danny has lived close to my parents for most of his life. The sun rose and set on Danny, who was not all that successful in his multiple careers. I and my family became the “greedy scapegoats,” “the prodigal sons,” even though we were successful. Worst of all, we were successful in areas where my brother failed, winning awards and recognition, where there were none for Danny.
    This is getting too long. While there is more to the story, readers should know that in addition to custody battles in NPD divorces, there can be legal ramifications with wills and inheritance. The skills the NPD used on those close to him now are brought to bear in the courtroom. Consider that the NPD wants revenge. The NPD has manipulated attorneys; now he wants to manipulate the judge. It is true that I deserve what my parents wanted me to have – even though the two farms are gone now, sold and the money invested in unverified properties – but it is not really the money. It is that this might be the only true opportunity to bring this monster NPD (the disorder, not Danny) to ground and halt the perpetuation through the generations. Of course Danny’s family despises me and mine, but I have hope.
    In the end, I am not the victim here. I am moving forward. And truly: who would I rather be? Me? Or my NPD brother? There is no question in my mind. I have been richly blessed. And I am grateful.

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